the feeling being kacanged

aku bingung sih sebenernya.
aku tau that its not me fault, tapi whats wrong with me that make him hate me so much? that he cant even look at me.even being with me is scaring him. ya, that was my experience when i went home. i dont care the fact that he might like my friend. but, the fact that he cant even talk to me really hurt.
it's like a dejavu, not really cuz this incident happened to my friend.same exact thing, except, the girl and guy finally got together. when it happened to him, i could feel the hurt, the sadness, the madness, everything but not as much as he felt. but, now, i can really feel it and i can relate to his feelings. he took it amazingly. he was sad but he moved on.
what i am feeling rite now is like when you are so sad that you cant even talk about it, and you cant cry although u want to.
& the worst part is i keep remembering it because it plays like a never-ending movie in my head. as if somebody forgets to turn off the movie and glue the replay button. and none of the buttons are working, i cant fast-forward it to the happy part which is the last day before i left. that day, i felt so happy and lucky and realized that i have great friends. yes, they made fun about me and the guy but it helped me to go thru the day. thanks guys.
my words, my thank yous, my hugs will never be enough to describe my gratitude to you.
thank you.